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Shuning
08 September 2012 @ 11:29 pm
'When a study was done on a group of young, healthy men whose daily caloric intake was cut to just under a thousand calories, they began to: stash food surreptitiously, talk about food constantly, chew gums and mints perpetually, read recipes for dishes they couldn't make. As the study went on, they were frequently caught digging through garbage cans, sneaking into the kitchen to binge. They began to purge, and - interestingly enough - they became incredibly worried about their weight, the shape of their bodies, and began to diet. They worried about getting dirty, got disgusted with their own biological functions, and didn't want to touch food anymore.'

'It is not uncommon for young children to develop elaborate self-protective systems to give themselves a sense of control over their surroundings. This is just such a system. And it indicated, in me at least, an inability to believe I was secure in myself or in my world.'

'On one level, I wanted very much to get caught. I did not want to get caught to be saved. I wanted to get caught to be seen as something, to have a claim to greatness, to have the sick admiration that comes to those of us who destroy ourselves particularly well. My god! people say. You have so much self-control!'

All these are not my words. Quoted from Wasted - Marya Hornbacher



Posted via m.livejournal.com.

 
 
 
Shuning
03 September 2012 @ 01:01 am
I disgust myself a lot.

The way I share my dreams, like they will come true. The way I share my ambitions, as though I'm capable. The way I share my thoughts, like I'm smart enough. I srsly over estimate myself too much.

Here I am, past midnight and lying on the bed still wide awake. I'm feeling so miserable that the thought of waking up early doesn't make me go to dreamland. I feel like a big blob of revolting slimey gooey stuff. Just stuff. I can feel my whole body, every inch of fats, every part of my meat, and I can feel the blood flowing though, the heart weighed down, the mind blurred. My vocab is limited, so I can only describe myself as digusting.

I speak too much. I think too much. I speak too much. Yes I repeated that again, because sometimes it would be so much better if I'd just shut up and let the world go on. Srsly, I act as if I can make a difference at times.

I'm not hardworking enough, not pushing myself on enough. When I get back my shit crap results, all I can do is laugh. A mocking laughter at my ownself. "Hah! In your face, you ugly fat blob. You suck. Hahahahahahaha" I act as though I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna get it, I'm gonna reach my goals.

Yeah right. I'm never smart enough to get the titles I want. I'm never reach enough to get the materials I want. I'm never capable enough to achieve all my goals in life. I can't even multitask. Dietician scholarship. Really? Learn harp grade 6 onwards. Really? Get a driving license. Really? Earn enough cash to live the life I want. Really? Be slim enough to wear nice clothes. Really?

No! How dare me think of these when I can't get anything right.

I'm not a good daughter, not a good sister, not a good friend, not a good supporter, not sa good leader, I'm not even good at being myself. The Shuning I want to be.

Try so hard but just can't succeed. Forever down there. Talk about getting up. Climbing up. Reaching up. Hah.

Wallow in self-pity. Yeah that's what I do best. What a pity. Ah the irony!

Shall curl up into a ball and try to sleep. Oh wait, I'm already a ball. If only I can bounce, bounce until I burst and let out all the air before flattening and saying goodbye for I'm no longer of use.

Shuning, after all these, you're still revolting. Nice try. You can feel it don't you? All the tinglings you're feeling all over your body now.
 
 
 
Shuning
17 August 2012 @ 11:31 pm
I miss going for chapel, because all my medical/hospital appointments are on Monday mornings, so I hadn't went for chapel for a really long time.

Anyway, here are some Christian songs that I like and find meaningful to bring myself closer to God. :)


 

I shared this song last year in one of my blogpost, I remember. 



Please click to hear more!Collapse )


Hope you guys also like these songs I'm sharing and hopefully, come to know Christ or get closer to Christ. Let us remain steadfast in His words and stay faithful. God never breaks His promises and He's always there for us.

God bless you all!




 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
 
Shuning
11 August 2012 @ 07:50 am
This isn't virus, relax.

Although this isn't chirstianity stuffs, it's quite inspirational as well :) Pick up yourself and continue walking, what's the point of falling down and staying there?

http://youtu.be/V6xLYt265ZM
 
 
 
Shuning
27 July 2012 @ 11:29 pm
Hello friendssssssss. Gonna post some photos of our class photo-taking sesion :)

Our theme last year was geek, but unfortunately I couldn't attend, so this year I wanted to make the best out of it and have fun. And thank God, I did! Hehehe. We had our formal shots taken in the CPA building and proceeded to the stairway for fun shots! For better visuals, we decided to go to the field and take more fun shots! Although the sun was scorching hot and I was red from it, it was worth it :) Can't wait to see the photos taken by the professionals.

Meanwhile, these photos are taken from Alyssa:





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Current Mood: happyhappy
 
 
 
Shuning
14 July 2012 @ 06:48 am
I'm not even skinny why do I have to undergo "regulation", "management", "guidance" and even meet a nutritionist?

I DO NOT SEE ANY PROBLEM.

The only problem I can possibly think of is people thinking I have a problem.

C'mon, I'm living my life controlled and self-disciplined (most of the time). I live like many angmohs do, monitoring my diet, my sleep, my studies, my life. Is there any issue?!

I do not need help.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

 
 
 
Shuning
10 July 2012 @ 05:50 am
So during my June break, attended YF&YAF Combined Camp in Johor Pulai Springs Resort :) It was a memorable and good one, I guess when you don't expect anything, something good turns out. So anyway, I was in charge of AVA stuffs for this camp, which I was really honoured and happy about! When I was told of my duty, couldn't contain my happiness hehehe. Thank God everything went well and I had great churchies who helped me out a great deal.

I got to room with Cherie again this time, with the room bigger and better! I actually stayed at this resort before during my March break but that was for another camp. It's wonderful to have so many church camps hoho! I also went to the camp as advance party although it wasn't very advance cause traffic jam etc. Oh well :) I enjoyed myself on the car rides!

I'll just let the photos do the talking (since I'm rushing and won't be able to go into much details.)









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Current Mood: goodgood
 
 
 
Shuning
04 July 2012 @ 04:47 am
Sometimes I wonder what would I be like, if I hadn't been so affected by what people told me. In particular, about how I looked and weighed.

I didn't think I'll be blogging about this so openly, as it has always been the inner me controlling this part of my life. But sometimes when things are on the down side, I really need to 'voice out' my thoughts and there isn't anyone who is willing to try to understand, so I figured I might as well type it down here.

If you read this, you're judging me, you're going to tell someone else about this, comment, laugh and talk about me being a bitch trying to attract attention, there's nothing I can do and perhaps you might have to face the wall and do a mini-reflection.

Frankly speaking, I don't even know where to start. You know in cartoons, they always have two floating heads that talks to the character? One white angel and another a red devil. That's what goes on in my mind everyday. It's a struggle to eat every meal, even my favourite meal - breakfast.


I actually look pretty average or even fat, not the skinny thin you might imagine. Indeed, I'm not like a lot of other girls who really have their bones sticking out, sunken cheeks, etc. I wish I was. I wish I am. Don't you just want to feel light just for awhile? I think if it's not for my family whom I am close to, I would have been much more extreme.

I don't get how people are annoyed and dislike me when they realise I'm extremely weight-conscious. Aren't you too? You just think I'm trying to seek for attention or pity. Seriously, I hate talking to people about this. This is one of the few personal things I never liked sharing. Plus, how many more girls are skinnier? Are lighter? Are prettier? I'm not even close. It's so unfair how I'm "suay" enough to be "caught". Many more, from my school or not, are dieting or extremely extreme. You get the point. I just wanna lose a few more pounds. It's not like I will or can be like the really thin people. I just need to be lighter and thinner, that's all. I mean, if I survived when I was at my lightest, and then unfortunately I gained a bit more, what's wrong with going back to the lightest? I won't die, or have any negative effects. In fact, life would be the same and happier for me too!

Why don't I just get a chance to experience? I hate how I feel everyday. I can literally feel the fats in my thighs jiggling when I walk, I can feel the fats in my tummy when I sit down, I can feel the fats in my legs when I cross my legs. I just want to get rid of the feeling. Why am I not allowed to? Can't I get to have my happiness?

I know I have contradictory statements, even more to come as I vent out all my thoughts.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

 
 
 
Shuning
29 June 2012 @ 05:38 am
23rd June was my best friend's birthday! :) I planned on surprising her on her birthday morning but she had a date already so too bad :(

Eisabess and I celebrated with her on Friday, the birthday eve, dining at Arab Street! It was an eye-opener for me, both positive and negative ways. I've never been at Arab Street and there were so many things! We went to a "restaurant" which Bessy reccomended but unfortunately, it wasn't good (IMHO). Nevertheless, great company!








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Looking forward to our next date out :')

 
 
 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
 
 
Shuning
16 June 2012 @ 09:17 am
My Dad is 41 years older than me, life full of experiences, be it good or bad. He's the silent gentlemanly type, but that doesn't mean he's easy to bully. He is firm in his stand and knows just exactly what to do in every situation. If not, he prays. He prays fervently everyday and trust in God fully, placing everything in His hands. My Dad may not be the best speaker, best pastor, best adviser, but all he does is good for the church. Although there were tough times, my Dad never gives up. His faith is so strong that I truly admire him from the bottom of my heart.

Other than his role as a pastor, my Dad is a great Dad. He seems stern to some, but he's actually very warm and friendly. His laughter is the loud booming type, but I like to hear it because that means he's happy. I love making my Dad happy, it's like an accomplishment to me. Sometimes we never understand what's going on in his mind and we seem so different. However, that doesn't stop him from trying to understand us children. My Dad, like many other fathers, does not act like my Mom (obviously). He isn't the best listening ear or shoulders when I cry, but he tries. He uses his ways to make us happy, and he's very cute too. I am very childish and he 'stoops' down to my childishness at times to play with me. I mean, having a big man making funny faces and camwhoring with her little daughter isn't very manly and pastor-ish right? But that's what he does. He also text messages/msn me when I'm feeling down, and uses our teenagers lingo at times. How cool. My Dad worries. I didnt' know he actually worries for me, or us. I always thought he only cared more for the church. I guess I am wrong, so wrong. He worries and cares in his own ways.




Read more please! Collapse )


 
 
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
 
 
 
Shuning
15 June 2012 @ 08:09 am
ICB  
Ice-Cream Buffet.

Yes you saw correctly. I went for ice-cream buffet!

It was actually a 2nd birthday gift from my sister, as we saw the deal on Groupon and immediately bought it. :) I decided to throw away the thoughts of calories fats and stuffs (for a short while) and go for it! It was at Bukit Merah Sports Complex and we got the 2-hour deal.





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Current Mood: devious
 
 
 
Shuning
12 June 2012 @ 10:45 am
It's been some time! Holidays are goooooooooooood so far :') I'm so grateful for this break from school.

Got to meet up with Cherie, my long(-lost) BFF on 7th June and we had a good time together. Times like this are hard to find, especially since we are both busy with our own lives and our holidays don't seem to match. Also, having another person in her life makes me no longer the focus (hahahaha just kiddin). So anyway, we haven't met up since last year and this meet-up was very important. Although we see each other every week, we hardly talk, let alone catch up on each other's lives and share how we feel etc. Finally, I guess both of us saw the desperate need to, and hence decided on a brunch date :)




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Current Mood: thankfulthankful
 
 
 
Shuning
27 May 2012 @ 06:42 am
Hellooooooo! How's life ;)

Eisabess' birthday was on 14th May, so Clara and I, being sweet as usual, decided to work tgt on a wonderful project to give her a special 18th. Nope we didn't hold a cool poolside party and nope, we didn't give her a diamond ring or some branded goods. Nope, of course we didn't treat her to alcohol. In fact, we gave her something more unexpected and original - a music video done by both of us!

Ever since Clara's video to me, I was even more attracted to singing cum recording a video. So, we came up with this brilliant idea of recording both of us singing and doing some stuffs. We were actually so ambitious that we wanted to do 3 music videos! Hahaha the songs we selected were That Thing You Do, Accidentally In Love and one-more-I-can't-remember-oh-well. 






CLICK PLEASE, THANK YOU.Collapse )

  

 
 
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: Accidentally In Love - Clara & Shuning (hahahaha)
 
 
 
Shuning
25 May 2012 @ 11:03 pm
Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries. - Unknown

That's right, my Mother is my best friend (I'm sure old readers know that) and I tell her when I'm down, worried, angry etc. 

This year's Mothers' Day, to show my appreciation, I gave my mom a tiny surprise! More like I planned the celebration but kept quite about it. It was real difficult because I was really eggcited and kept wanting to tell her where we were going. So my original plan was to eat at Marche @ VivoCity and then walk to Keppel Bay to enjoy the beautiful night scenery.





More on Mama, Papa & Ahma..Collapse )

 
 
 
 
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
 
 
 
Shuning
18 May 2012 @ 10:44 pm
After my dearest BFFs Clara and Eisabess celebrated my 18th birthday with me wonderfully, the next time we met up was for Bessy's birthday! Clara and I made her a super unique present that she loved a lot (I'm gonna blog about it soonish!) also brought her to our homeland of Holland V for a short celebration :)






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Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
 
Shuning
12 May 2012 @ 09:58 am
JSYK, you can read about Serenade 2011 here (Power of Make-up).

Serenade 2012 was a huge difference from 2011. The people were different, the songs were different and the feelings were different. The process was tough, I struggled a lot I admit. Practices were tiring and it was hard getting everyone tgt, happily practicing and motivated. Nevertheless, my harpists were awesome and I'm proud/honoured to say that Serenade 2012 was a success! We were much better than previous years, proof of ACJC's "The Best Is Yet To Be" :')

It's a timely post because last year's Serenade was on 12th May! I'm really glad we made it through this one year as a batch, although some came and left, it was a great process with all those who stayed on. Many times, some of us wanted to give up, thought that it was pointless and couldn't find joy in it. Thank God for all of us encouraging one another and pushing each other on, finally acheiving what we have wanted to at the start of everything.





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Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
 
Shuning
06 May 2012 @ 05:31 am
YF  

Some photos of YF (Youth Fellowship)!

I'm too tired/lazy/busy to post anything other than photos. Serenade 2012 will have to wait!












Thank God for my group! I'm getting more used to the people and liking them more :) but sharing 'deep stuffs' requires slightly more time. Oh well :)

K BYE.

 
 
Current Mood: restlessrestless
 
 
 
Shuning
21 April 2012 @ 10:22 am
2nd April is my special day and on this day in 2012, I had a greatttt time :) Thank God for wunnerful friends and family who are always there for me, loving me and caring for me.

I don't know why but to me, birthdays are dam/ important. Like I reaaaaally value birthdays a lot and some may think that it's a bad thing. Well, I don't know about that but to me, it's a day to show that special person you care for her/him (although you're supposed to every other day too) but it's the person's unique day for once when she/he can act like the king of the world and be happy or whatever he/she wants to be! :) It's filled with food, fun, joy, laughter, presents and love! To me, it's a day when I realise people do care about me and I'm not so alone. It's also a day I celebrate my entrance to the world, thanks to my beloved mother who suffered for 9+ months.

I was born at 9.20am, just one day after April Fools. Mom told me she was watching tv on 1st April and kept praying hard that I would not be born then, because everyone would make fun of me on April Fools Day. So she prayed and prayed and finally, it was past mid-night. Immediately, she felt contractions while she was asleep and soon, on the way to the hospital to wait for my arrival. And tada, SHUNING ARRIVES :)

Heh so every year, I will not only celebrate my birthday, receives presents, but also buy a present for my Mom. This year, I bought her a pouch (because she lost the other I gave her hahaha). ANYWAY, IT'S BACK TO ME.





PLEASE READ ON :)!Collapse )

 
 
Current Mood: hyperhyper
 
 
 
Shuning
13 April 2012 @ 10:16 pm
My first time attending a birthday party! Hahaha I sound like some dumb no-childhood girl, but srsly, it was my first time :) It was Alyssa's 18th birthday party and after exams, she organised a celebration at Timbre and I was invited! Heh so eggcited then!














No group shots cause I wasn't close to any of her friends (church and canoe)!

It was a fun night and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. The food was delish, the drinks were nice and the company was great! It was such a pity I had to leave earlier :( Nevertheless, grateful to Alyssa for the invitation (because I was never invited to such birthday celebrations before).

Till then :')

P/S. It's Friday the 13th~
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited